Tuesday, February 19, 2008

feeling deep



i have these few songs. ones that i can put on repeat and listen to about 50 times straight (or more depending on which past roommate you ask) and they just get better. they encourage my mind to think deep...and then when i tune back into the music i feel like i'm in a comfort zone...with a favorite tune keeping me company.


that happened today. at the gym, 1/2 way through a little elliptical machine workout & there it came. a music video of a favorite song. he was bundled up in warm cozy clothes, walking on a misty, beach with the waves crashing...just singing away & bringing me in tune once again with the deep thoughts i've been needing lately...


not sure what's with the days - but ever since I got back from holidays on the west coast....i've been in this DEEP mood. most things i ponder about - most things D & I talk about - what we want to feel - what we want to hear in conversations - what i'm longing for - - is depth.
i admit maybe i'm being a bit self-absorbed - but it's because i'm seeing that the only person i truly do NEED to change is me. i have this need to really SEE myself. what makes me tick, what makes me feel, what makes me envious, what makes me admire, what makes me need, what makes me grow, what makes me happy, what makes me do things i have to apologize for, what makes me fill with pride, what humbles me, what makes me define good & bad, what makes me cry, what makes me laugh, what makes me feel lost, what makes me feel found, make makes me make excuses, what moves me...

i want to actually reach the goal of being the best me. the me i can be truly content being. i love talking with people that are seeing the need to start on the same journey - i love seeing people that are ahead of me on the journey. i love that i have the best friend i could ever ask for by my side - who loves it when this deep side of me surfaces and who whole-heartedly supports the journey...


the jouney is started - and continuing...spurred on with some good books D and I are both reading. The Continuum Concept & The Dark Side of the Light Chasers - both recommended to us by friends & both amazing thought provoking books!

1 comment:

Amanda Sakundiak said...

wicked post tam....... i feel like saying Amen.
i find myself here, reading your blog because i felt after the chat we had tonight i might find something inspiring to read.
thank you